You Spread Bullshit About Me Again and I ll Kill You
Alonzo Harris: [to the residents of The Jungle] Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all y'all bitches. Huh. You lot think you can do this shit... Jake. Y'all think you lot can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'one thousand the man upward in this piece. You'll never see the calorie-free of... who the fuck do you retrieve you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around hither. You lot just live hither. Yeah, that's right, you improve walk away. Keep and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn down this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That'south right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'k winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I tin can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you lot tin't impale me.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and information technology takes a wolf to grab a wolf.
Jake Hoyt: [stepping into Alonzo's Monte Carlo for the first time] This automobile is not from the motor pool.
Alonzo Harris: It's not, sexy though, ain't information technology?
Jake Hoyt: And then, where'south the function? Back at division?
Alonzo Harris: You lot're in the function, baby.
Alonzo Harris: [in a coffee shop] Get some chow in you lot before nosotros go to the office, my dollar.
Jake Hoyt: Thanks sir, simply I ate...
Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't.
Jake Hoyt: It's nice hither.
Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper?
Jake Hoyt: I'm deplorable, sir, I...
Alonzo Harris: Thank y'all.
Jake Hoyt: Y'all know what, I'll become something to eat.
Alonzo Harris: No. Hell no you won't, yous fucked that up. I'm trying to read my paper. Please, shut upward.
Jake Hoyt: I sure won't mind roasting in a black-and-white all 24-hour interval.
Alonzo Harris: Tell me a story, Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: My story?
Alonzo Harris: No, not your story. A story. Because you can't keep your mouth close long enough for me to read my paper. Tell me a story.
Jake Hoyt: I don't call back I know any stories.
Alonzo Harris: You don't know whatever stories? Okay, I'll tell you a story. This is a newspaper. It's xc per cent bullshit, only it'south entertaining. That's why I read information technology, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, and then you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story, right now.
[last lines]
Alonzo Harris: What a twenty-four hours. What a motherfuckin' mean solar day.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] You okay, child? That was a man-sized hit you took, dog. When was the last time y'all smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: Last time I smoked weed... 12th course. We were... we were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Aye, yeah.
Alonzo Harris: Left that out your service jacket. Yep, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.
Jake Hoyt: What's "wet"?
Alonzo Harris: Butt-naked. Sick. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Domestic dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?
Jake Hoyt: No, I've never done it.
Alonzo Harris: You have now. I haven't, simply you have.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Man, I'grand gonna become piss-tested, and so I'm gonna go fired!
Alonzo Harris: Lieutenant'due south got our dorsum. We know a week before we piss.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Shit!
Alonzo Harris: Boom!
Jake Hoyt: Why did you practise this to me?
Alonzo Harris: Nobody told you to smoke that matter. You lot made the decision. Alive with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.
Jake Hoyt: [later on repeatedly punching Detective Harris] It's no fun when the rabbit has the gun, is it?
Alonzo Harris: [laughing] My nigga...
[to surrounding crowd]
Alonzo Harris: Hey. First dom who puts ane in his head... I'll make you a rich man. C'mon at present, who wanna go paid? Who wanna become paid?
Jake Hoyt: They're not like yous. You lot wanna know what I learned today? I'm non like you.
Alonzo Harris: That's expert, Jake. Glad to hear it. Skilful... so what you gonna do know, you gonna shoot me? You gonna bust yo' cherry killin' a cop?
[pulls out bluecoat]
Alonzo Harris: There it is, Jake, hit me. You ain't never killed anybody before, have you? It ain't like steppin' on ants, Jake. Information technology takes a human being to kill... y'all man enough to kill, Jake?
Alonzo Harris: Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'grand thirsty.
Jake: [after coming together with the Three Wise Men] How much money was in that handbag?
Alonzo: 40 Thou'south.
Jake: What was that for?
Alonzo: Yous actually wanna know?
Jake: Yeah. I asked, didn't I?
Alonzo: Null'southward gratuitous in this world, Jake. Not even arrest warrants.
Jake: Shit, I didn't wanna know.
Bluish: [while in a wheelchair] What you demand, homey?
Jake Hoyt: Fissure. xx bucks' worth.
Blue: Fissure?
[looks at Alonzo]
Bluish: Smells like bacon in this muthafucka. What I look similar, a sucka to yous, nigga? Fuck you, rookie.
Alonzo Harris: [in a coffee shop] But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't yous. C'monday, tell the truth, y'all know y'all tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM. Code-10.
Jake Hoyt: Look man, I got a married woman.
Alonzo Harris: You got a dick. You lot do have a dick, don't you lot? Okay, the dick lines up directly similar that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, correct? In those pockets are money. Expect in either one of 'em, pay the bill.
Stan Gursky: [in a steakhouse restaurant] Alonzo, heard y'all had an expensive weekend in Vegas. How did y'all e'er screw up and so bad?
Alonzo: Hey, I didn't know. It's not my town. I'chiliad non all-seeing.
Lou Jacobs: The Russians don't care if you have a badge. They'll whack you lot. You ought to hop a jet out of here.
Alonzo: Why? It's an easy gear up. I'll only cash in on an account.
Stan Gursky: Which i?
Alonzo: One of my old ones, my first one. The guy'south a high security risk anyway. If I'grand not around, who's gonna help keep him off the radar?
Stan Gursky: All right, it'south your call. I do non want you to dick this up. I don't want to see yous on the front folio similar the rest of those assholes.
Roger: [in his domicile] Y'all effigy that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.
Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.
Jake Hoyt: Yous know, I already figured 'em out.
Alonzo Harris: Really?
Roger: You already figured the streets out.
Jake Hoyt: It'southward all about smiles and cries.
Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.
Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.
Jake Hoyt: Yes. You gotta command your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can accept that away from you.
Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger] Utilise your ears and hear me, Jake. Sometimes we gotta take this shit all the way. Now, nobody will ever ask y'all to pull the trigger if y'all don't want to.
Alonzo Harris: [to Mark] Marking, where are you transferring to?
Mark: Due south.I.S.
Alonzo Harris: S.I.South. Detective. Give me 18 months, I'll requite you a career. We're an elite unit. We brand the big seizures. Nosotros make the big arrests. Merely if you're in my unit, yous gotta be in it all the style or non at all. I idea that yous was man plenty to face that. I guess I was wrong. Five proven, decorated officers say that you're the shooter. The investigators are gonna want to pull a tube of your blood to check for intoxicants, and what are they gonna detect, Jake? Practise the math. Y'all've been smoking PCP all twenty-four hours, haven't you lot?
Jake: You've been planning this all mean solar day?
Alonzo Harris: I've been planning this all week, son. You talk that crazy shit, I'll brand sure that claret gets to the lab. You wanna walk your babe nuts around the block, you won't make it to the corner, merely if you're absurd, if you're cool... and so you're a hero. You're a virgin shooter above suspicion.
Moreno: [while playing poker in their kitchen] So tell me something. How long take you been a squealer, I mean, a police officer?
Jake Hoyt: I've been a grunter for 19 months.
Moreno: 19 months? You like it?
Jake Hoyt: I should have been a firewoman.
Smiley: [to Jake, earlier Moreno, sniper, Smiley drag him into the bathroom and lift him into the tub] You got the right to exist bowwow-slapped.
Alonzo Harris: [later on killing Roger and framing Jake] Congratulations, son. Yous're gonna go a Medal of Valor for this.
Jake Hoyt: But I didn't shoot him.
Alonzo Harris: A roomful of cops said you did.
Jake Hoyt: Only I didn't. Y'all did.
Alonzo Harris: A Los Angeles Law Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant in Repeat Park. Gimme the bitch. LAPD spokesperson says the officeholder is survived... by his wife and infant child. Shit gets deeper. Y'all go the picture?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I get it.
[Jake grabs gun from Alonzo, the crew points guns at Jake]
Jake Hoyt: That's the second time you pointed a gun at me. There volition not be a third!
Alonzo Harris: Goddamn, boy! My nigga, are y'all watching this? That's information technology!
Paul: It'd be my pleasure to put a hydrashock in that melon...
Alonzo Harris: Expect, expect.
Paul: But naw, I'ma exist cool. Now drop the fucking gun at present!
Jake Hoyt: You wanna shoot me, Paul, go ahead. Just I'm taking him with me.
Mark: I'one thousand going, Alonzo.
Paul: This motherfucker's a fed.
Alonzo Harris: Naw, he ain't no fed. He's simply a choirboy that got the drop on all you fools.
Jake Hoyt: You can't put this shit on me. I did not sign up for this!
Alonzo Harris: I understand your anger. Everybody, put your guns downwards.
Tim: [shouts] Hell, naw!
Paul: Choirboy outset.
Alonzo Harris: [shouts] Everybody, put your guns down! That's an order.
[shouts]
Alonzo Harris: Put 'em downward!
Jake: [observing drug dealers from Alonzo's Monte Carlo] What'southward hither?
Alonzo: Transactions. Y'all see that Salvatrucha zero head sitting on that fence interim similar he's not slanging dope? That's my boy. My boy, Neto. The punk's but 17, but he can impale with the best. He's one of mine. He works for me.
Jake: Jesus, he's an informer?
Alonzo: Teammate. I got eyes everywhere. He gets to peddle a little reefer, gets money to take care of the family. He lets me know when big things are going on. Big transactions.
[whispering]
Alonzo: Smash, boom, nail, nail, boom, boom, blast, blast, boom, blast, boom. Look at that. Sexy ain't it?
Jake: And you lot trust him?
Alonzo: Damn correct I trust him. I sprung his mom from INS detention. Watch this.
[drug deal being made]
Alonzo: You see that mitt-to-hand?
Jake: Yep, I saw it.
Alonzo: When was the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake: Two weeks ago.
Alonzo: Good. You need practise.
Jake: They wait like a bunch of higher kids.
Alonzo: They'll go their educational activity today. I want the Brady Bunch grabbing glass. I have the front, you lot accept the back.
[Jake picks upwards radio to call in]
Alonzo: Stay off of the Rover. Let's become.
Roger: [in his home] Here'southward a joke, boy. One twenty-four hour period this man walks out of his business firm to become to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its vanquish all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. Just it doesn't dice. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while information technology can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the firm. Finally, after a year, the picayune guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to become to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck'south your problem?'
Jake Hoyt: That's messed upwardly. That wasn't funny.
Alonzo Harris: And then why are y'all cackling like a jackal?
Jake Hoyt: I dunno.
Roger: Effigy that joke out and you'll effigy the streets out.
Alonzo Harris: I had dejeuner with the Wise Men today. They say you gotta return unto Caesar.
Roger: [in his home] Fuckin' vampires want my pension!
Alonzo: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] Today's a training day, Officeholder Hoyt. Show you effectually, give you a gustatory modality of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I tin't articulate. I supervise five officers. That'due south v different personalities. V sets of problems. You can be number half dozen if you act now. But I ain't holding no easily, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what y'all're fabricated of. You don't like narcotics, go the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?
Jake Hoyt: [lying in their bathtub] Now, listen to me, that girl was beingness raped. I saw these 2 fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em...
Smiley: [pointing a double barrel shotgun at Jake's cheek] You lie to me.
Jake Hoyt: I would - not - prevarication to you lot...
Smiley: Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, human. And delight human, I got a little kid...
Sniper: [elevating Jake's legs upwards] Shut the fuck up, faggot.
Sniper: Blast his donkey, homes.
Jake Hoyt: I have - a little girl.
Paul: [in Roger'south home] Alonzo, in that location's 2 shots left in that other stinger. We need to just kill your male child right now and say Roger got him coming through the door.
Alonzo: We ain't killing nobody. This guy'southward got the magic centre. I can feel it. Just had a trivial freak-out, that's all. At present I say he'southward cool, and nobody's gonna hurt him. But you do take a decision to make, because in about 10 seconds, this whole place is gonna exist overrun with bluish suits.
[sirens approaching]
Alonzo: So just walk outside and clear your head, or just shoot me.
Jake: [on the fashion out] Hey, Paul.
[punches Paul]
Paul: [Mark holds him dorsum] You're expressionless, motherfucker! You lot hear me?
[shouts]
Paul: You're fuckin' expressionless!
Newscaster: A Los Angeles Law Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant near LAX. An LAPD spokesperson says that Detective Alonzo Harris is survived by his wife and four sons.
Alonzo: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] Why exercise you lot wanna be a narc?
Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs.
Alonzo: Yep, but why do you wanna be a narc?
Jake: I wanna make detective.
Alonzo: In that location you go. You stick effectually with me, you'll arrive. Unlearn that bullshit they teach yous at the Academy. That shit'll get you killed out here.
Jake: I'll do anything you want me to do.
Alonzo: My nigga. Roll that window downwards first.
[Jake rolls downwards window]
Alonzo: You lot gotta see the streets. You gotta feel it. Y'all gotta olfactory property it, y'all gotta taste the streets. How's your Espanol?
Jake: Uh, más o menos.
Alonzo: Learn that shit, brother. That shit'll go you killed. These motherfuckers out in that location exist plotting all types of shit on you lot.
Lou Jacobs: [in a steakhouse eating place] I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to expressionless men.
Alonzo Harris: I ain't dead yet. Fuckin' prick.
Alonzo Harris: [Explaining his orders to raid Roger's house] There'southward zippo I can do about information technology, you know, I'm just a lowly ceremonious servant.
Roger: Ehhh, you're their bitch!
Alonzo Harris: [to Roger afterwards shooting him] Breathe dawg... breathe.
Alonzo Harris: [in an alleyway next to a chained link contend] You hear that, homey? Y'all wanna get to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?
Crackhead #ane: [lying on the ground paw] What y'all recall?
Alonzo Harris: They got room for guys like you at the booty firm, you lot ever been to the booty house. Large boys have you lot grab y'all ankles...
Crackhead #i: Suck my dick, bitch. I know people.
Alonzo Harris: That's how it starts. What about y'all, my human? Where's yo' horn?
Crackhead #2: I ain't got nothin' on me, man.
Alonzo Harris: You sure?
Crackhead #2: Yeah, human.
Alonzo Harris: You got money, though.
[pulls out fissure]
Alonzo Harris: Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you swallow that, dawg.
[steps on crack]
Alonzo: [after killing Roger and shooting Jeff] It's non what you know, it's what you can bear witness. Mark and Paul, you kicked the door downwards. Jeff's the outset one through. Roger hits Jeff twice.
[to Jeff]
Alonzo: What's the affair, 1 get through?
Tim: Aye, yous shot him.
Jeff: Y'all fucking shot me, man!
Alonzo: Don't worry virtually it. You'll get a medal.
Jeff: Become me an ambulance!
Alonzo: Hey, hey, hey. Yous wanna go to jail or you wanna become home? Let me quarterback this affair. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff'due south the first ane through. Roger shoots Jeff twice, bang bang. Our new guy, Hoyt, he'south in 2nd. Drops Roger with some fine shotgun work. Now who shot Roger?
Mark: New guy, came in spraying.
Alonzo: Who shot Roger?
Paul: Boot did it.
Alonzo: What did you guys see?
Tim: Hoyt blasted him.
Jeff: Hey, fuck Hoyt, all correct? Ambulance time!
Alonzo: Done. Paul, phone call 'em up.
Paul: 11-49-98 Shots fired. Officer down. Repeat. Officer down. 5951 Baxter Street.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] Y'all got a child, right?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I got a little girl.
Alonzo Harris: I've got five. All boys. You ever demand a son, y'all let me know. I'll claw your old lady up. I can't miss.
Jake Hoyt: Tin can we not talk almost my family?
Alonzo Harris: That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young helpmate. Yous probably nonetheless fuck her face to face up, don't yous?
Alonzo: [after forcefully pressing a pen downward Blue's throat causing him to vomit the narcotics he was hiding in his stomach] What'due south that?
Blueish: Motherfucking crack, man.
Alonzo: That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. one, ii, iii, iv, 5, half dozen. Oh, you're federally fucked now. Yous got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you lot can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That'due south ten right at that place.
Bluish: Come on, homo. You lot know I ain't no snitch, human being.
Alonzo: I know you own't no snitch. Gimme a proper name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That'south 20.
Bluish: Fuck!
Alonzo: Gimme a name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That's thirty years. Yous wanna get to jail or you wanna go home?
[removes bullet]
Bluish: He in the county!
Alonzo: Who?
Blue: Nigga named Sandman. That's all the fuck I know,human! Shit!
Alonzo: See how easy that was?
[removes bullet]
Blue: I'1000 sick of this shit, man.
Alonzo: You wanna collect the show?
Jake: Fuck that.
Alonzo: My nigga.
Jake Hoyt: [Yanks Alonzo's bluecoat] You don't deserve this.
[singing]
Alonzo Harris: Oh where, Oh where has my picayune Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Shit, you can shoot me, only you lot tin can't impale me.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you lot think of him first. 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your fuckin' nuts out and use 'em for dice.
Alonzo: [on the phone talking to Smiley] Brand sure that bathtub is clean, homey.
[Jake gets in car]
Alonzo: Information technology behoves you not to dick around on this 1. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake: What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Look, we had badges, so it'southward different?
Alonzo: Open your eyes, son. Tin't you encounter?
Jake: That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
Alonzo: Why is he my friend, because he knows my first proper name? Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. This is the game. I'm playing his ass. That's my job. That'southward your chore. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over x years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, information technology ain't checkers. What, we all of a sudden gonna ringlet up in a black-and-white? Come on, man, take the money.
Jake: I told you lot, I'k non gonna accept that money.
Alonzo: All correct, burn down it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck. But the boys'll feel amend about information technology.
Jake: Fuck their feelings.
Alonzo: Y'all're not making them feel like yous're part of the team.
Jake: The team? You lot guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to exist this fashion?
Alonzo: I'm sorry I exposed you lot to it, but information technology is. It's ugly, but information technology's necessary... Sometimes yous gotta have a little clay on yous for anybody to trust y'all.
Alonzo Harris: [referring to his shotgun that's his holding to find to Jake, somewhere in Sara's apartment] You know I'm surgical with this bitch, Jake. How do you want information technology, canis familiaris? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How do you think he got at that place?
Alonzo Harris: [while inserting confiscated marijuana into a confiscated pipage] To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics amanuensis should have narcotics in his claret.
Jake Hoyt: Are you gonna smoke that?
Alonzo Harris: No, you are.
Jake Hoyt: [laughs] Hell if I am.
Alonzo Harris: You not gon' smoke it?
Jake Hoyt: Naw, human being. I became a narc to rid the streets of dopers, not to be one.
Alonzo Harris: Come up on, man, take a striking.
Jake Hoyt: Naw, man.
Alonzo Harris: [Slams brakes] Yep, right. If I was a drug dealer, you lot'd be dead past now, motherfucker. You plow shit down on the streets, and the chief brings your wife a crisply folded flag. What the fuck'southward wrong with you? Talking about - You know what? I don't want you in my unit of measurement. I don't even desire yous in my division. Get the fuck out the car. Go back to the Valley, rookie.
Jake Hoyt: All right, I'll smoke it.
Jake Hoyt: [referring to Alonzo letting go two would exist rapists and letting the victim'southward cousins exact revenge on them] That'southward street justice.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] What's wrong with street justice?
Jake Hoyt: Oh, what, so but let the animals wipe themselves out, right?
Alonzo Harris: God willing. Fuck 'em, and everybody that looks like 'em.
[on phone]
Jake Hoyt: Hi?
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: You on your style to ringlet call?
Jake Hoyt: Aye, sir, I'yard on my way out the door right now.
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: Patrol ferries go to roll phone call, we don't go to roll call...
Jake Hoyt: OK, that'south good to know.
Alonzo Harris: Listen, there'due south a coffee store at seventh and Whitman. Be there, ten 'o clock, in civies, comfortable shoes. You got a backup gun? Somethin' pocket size?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, no sir. I got the Department consequence Buretta...
Alonzo Harris: Good, good, bring information technology. Cuffs too. We'll exist in the part all day, but who knows? Perhaps we'll do some business organisation, we're an aggressive unit.
Jake Hoyt: Uh, yes sir. And that'south exactly why I signed upward, and I just wanted to give thanks you lot...
[Alonzo hangs up]
Alonzo Harris: [to Roger] You lot wouldn't mind if I accept some of your three thousand dollar-a-drinking glass shit there, would yous?
Alonzo: [bruised and bloodied, and turns his head back to run across Jake pointing a gun at him while dragging abroad from him with a lit cigarette in his mouth] , you gonna bust your ruby-red killing a cop? You know what you become for that, Jake? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. I'ma send y'all to a pine oil heaven. I'ma get that gun and I'ma get that gun and I'm going to get that money, and your not going to shit considering you're non going to shoot a cop in the back.
Jake Hoyt: [before entering Sandman'due south house] If he's not here, why are we here?
Alonzo Harris: We're here to serve this warrant.
Jake Hoyt: C'mon, man. We can't do that.
Alonzo Harris: Yep, hell nosotros can. We're the police force, we can exercise what the fuck we wanna do.
Jake Hoyt: Shouldn't we go go a real warrant?
Alonzo Harris: Nosotros're trying to get shit washed. Just stand over there and don't get me killed, all right, new guy?
Alonzo Harris: One time. What's up Os?
Bone: What's up, Alonzo? - What's happenin' with you, Damu?
Alonzo Harris: Information technology's all good.
Os: I wanna tell you lot man: I appreciate what you did for my nephew, that's some real shit.
Alonzo Harris: For certain. For sure.
[Alonzo walks away]
Bone: I'm sick of this shit I can't stand that motherfucker.
Roger: Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt... Strong Saftey. North Loftier. I follow all the good players.
Alonzo: [while coming together on the roof of a parking garage] What'southward happening? You got the picks and shovels?
Marking: You gonna dig a ditch?
Alonzo: Nope. You are. That's a nice suit.
[to Paul]
Alonzo: What's going on, killer?
Paul: I can't telephone call information technology. Been hearing some shit out here on these streets. You lot all correct?
Alonzo: Yeah. I talked to the three wise men today. Everything's all skilful.
Paul: Shit, you say we can go away with it, I'm with you lot on that.
[points to Jake]
Paul: Who the fuck is this?
Jake: Jake Hoyt. I'm from Valley Patrol. Information technology's my showtime twenty-four hour period.
Paul: Y'all a long mode from Starbucks homey.
[to Alonzo]
Paul: Yo, why the fuck is he in on this?
Alonzo: Gotta become his cherry popped old.
Paul: [to Jake] Yo, stay the fuck outta my mode. Merely for the big dogs, you feel me?
Alonzo: All right. Here's the warrant signed and sealed past the judge, thanks to the Sandman. Alright, now mind upwards; Safety is get-go. He gives united states shit - Boom! Nosotros're giving him lead. Let's do this correct and so we tin can all become home and do the married woman or the girlfriend matter, alright? Let's conform up, ladies. Fourth dimension to punch in.
[Os is smoking a cigarette with his friends]
Os: You got business here, Rookie?
Jake Hoyt: I'm here for Alonzo.
Bone: [while pointing a gun at Alonzo] Jake, go alee and bounce, homey. Get up out of here. Nosotros got your dorsum.
Alonzo Harris: What?
Bone: Information technology'south like that.
Alonzo Harris: [repeated line to several people on different occasions] You wanna go to jail or you wanna become home?
Blue: I told ya'll I don't work for nobody. Why the fuck are ya'll sweatin' me any mothafuckin' way?
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake while walking upwards the stairs to Smiley's house] Believe it or not, I exercise effort to do some good in the community.
Smiley: I am always getting love for the homies.
Bluish: Ceremonious rights violatin' mothafuckas.
Alonzo Harris: [while in his Monte Carlo] All right, when's the concluding time you did a felony cease?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago?
Alonzo Harris: Adept, you need exercise.
Jake Hoyt: They await like college kids.
Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their teaching today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You accept the back, I'll take the forepart.
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story in a java store] There was a DUI terminate.
Alonzo Harris: A DUI stop, let me load up my guns a DUI stop, OH SHIT!
Jake: Listen human being, its a good one, nosotros were on sentinel.
Alonzo Harris: Nosotros?
Jake: Me and Debbie, my grooming officeholder
Alonzo Harris: [Intrigued] Yous have a female grooming officer? What was she? Black or White?
Jake: She was white
Alonzo Harris: Liquor License?
Jake: A what?
Alonzo Harris: "A Liquor License", was she a dyke? A lesbian?
Jake: I don't know.
Alonzo Harris: Was she good looking?
Jake: Yeah, pretty skillful.
Jake: [Driving away from Sandman'due south business firm after the shooting] God damn it that was not absurd opening fire in the middle of a neighborhood where was the Sandman? What the hell were you doing back there?
Alonzo Harris: I was checking for narcotic activity drugs, guns, and baggies
Jake: Cash
Alonzo Harris: Speak on information technology
Jake: She's screaming well-nigh coin
Alonzo Harris: She's merely talking shit, she's talking about us getting killed
Jake: I'm going to be on the half-dozen o'clock news in an orange adapt in paw cuffs because of yous with the scandals and what not it is open flavour on misconduct they will boom us to the wall
Alonzo Harris: Mind, y'all're in a privileged position to acquire a matter or ii keep your mouth shut and your optics open you say you're serious well-nigh doing some real law this is the place to learn merely if this kind of shit shakes yous up perchance you should get back to your partition you accept to decide if y'all're a wolf or a sheep
[Alonzo shows Jake his tattoo, after pulling over on the side of the highway]
Alonzo Harris: Get your ink
Smiley: [to Jake, subsequently playing poker with him, Sniper, and Moreno in their kitchen] Alonzo pulled off a miracle. Times are tight, he jacked upwards a lot of greenbacks from Roger, he blasted the fool, that's why I never shake his hand he don't respect nothing you know what the money'south for? Alonzo's a hot caput, terminal week in Vegas some Russian starts talking shit, Alonzo just snaps trounce that guy to expiry, turns out that Russian is a somebody, now his into the Russians for a million they gave him until tonight to pay up. his proper name is still on the listing. Nobody idea he could get cash that quick, good thing he did considering at that place's a crew on standby, if he doesn't plow upwardly downtown with the money by midnight and not a minute after, he's a dead human.
Jake: [Jake kick opens the sleeping room door and finds Alonzo packing money into a bag and Sara lies naked on the bed] Take the coin and put it inside that bag and take your weapons and put it within that pillow instance
Alonzo Harris: [Clapping with the packs of cash] Congratulations son, you passed the test yous're a narc put the gun downwards before y'all requite my girl a eye assault
Jake: I said put the money inside that bag and accept your weapons and put information technology within that pillow example, fuck your appointment with the Russians yous're not going to make information technology
Alonzo Harris: [while he puts his guns inside the pillow case Sara gave him] so y'all're going to hook me and volume me? You're the one that was smoking the dust, you're the one who ran out similar a bedlamite and you're the 1 who shot Roger
Jake: How nigh the gun in your ankle?
Alonzo Harris: Yous want the i in my back pocket?
Jake: Yeah I would
Alonzo Harris: You got one problem though, you got no witnesses, who are your fucking witnesses? Roger? Smiley? Y'all think my troops are going to help you? What tin y'all prove? Where's your show?
Jake: [points to the bag filled with coin as Alonzo flicks a cigarette into Jake's face] It'south right there
Doug Rosselli: [telling Alonzo a story in a steakhouse eating house with Lou, and Stan nowadays] There's a serial burglar we're chasing him for twelve months, a real slickster and he gave upwardly zip. His sentencing was today so before the hearing he gets a hold of some peanut butter and he packs his ass cleft with it, he's continuing alpine before the gauge and he'south ready to give a statement, he shoves his hand downward his pants and it comes out with a glob of actress mesomorphic Jiff, bailiffs won't come up near him. Now he's looking at the judge in the eyes and licks his fingers clean, then the judge says "this poor human being is insane, he can't go to prison", orders him to get a psychiatric evaluation and by the time the judge found out it was sandwich spread, the order was already signed and the guy had already been transferred, after six months in the puzzle mill they call him "normal" and allow him loose, he'll never practise a day in prison. One day I'thou going to find this guy on the street and I'chiliad going to impale him.
Alonzo Harris: [repeated line to Jake, referring to police force, procedures, rules and regulations don't apply to all situations therefore constabulary officers need to make their own judgment and discretion when in the field] You did what you lot had to do.
Alonzo Harris: [repeated line to several people in different situations] Information technology'southward not what you know, it's what you lot can prove.
Alonzo Harris: Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, domestic dog.
Jake: What's "wet"?
Alonzo Harris: Barrel-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what yous were smoking, you lot couldn't gustation it?
Jake Hoyt: Constabulary Department! Permit's see your hands!
Alonzo Harris: Put your hands up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Driver, right side passenger, hands on the windshield!
Jake Hoyt: [to female] Rear seat passenger, palms on the glass. Look that style!
Alonzo Harris: Put information technology in park!
College Driver: Stick shift.
Alonzo Harris: Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window. Accept your keys out and throw 'em in the window.
Male College Rider: I'm sorry.
Alonzo Harris: [to front passenger] Shut up! Also late for that.
[to driver]
Alonzo Harris: Fork it over!
College Commuter: What are y'all talking about?
Alonzo Harris: Yous know what I'm talking virtually. The marijuana. Give information technology to me! Give it to me!
[to front passenger]
Alonzo Harris: Gimme that pipe underneath your seat.
Male person College Passenger: My mom gave it to me.
Alonzo Harris: I don't care who gave it to yous. She can pick information technology up in jail. What else you got? C'mon, c'mon, gimme, gimme, gimme.
[female person removes easily from glass]
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Hey, command your doubtable!
Jake Hoyt: Miss, palms on the glass!
Alonzo Harris: [to female] You move those hands again, I'll slap the gustation out of your mouth. Put your hands over there. Right there.
[to driver]
Alonzo Harris: At present what are you lot doing out here? You know this is a gang neighborhood?
College Driver: Yep.
Alonzo Harris: Then don't come down here again. I grab you down hither again, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk dwelling house. I'ma let the homeboys upward the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you?
Higher Driver: Yeah.
Alonzo Harris: All right, thanks for your cooperation.
[to Jake]
Alonzo Harris: Permit'due south go. Safe your fe, son.
Male person Higher Rider: Shit!
[showtime lines, after he shuts off the alarm clock]
Jake: It's time.
Alonzo Harris: Boom!
[before and after Jake tells him the DUI story inside the coffee store]
Jake Hoyt: [referring to Bluish] That stuff doesn't fly anymore, homo. Shovin' a pen down - what if that guy complains?
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] To who?
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story in a coffee shop] It was a tranquillity night we were rolling on Van Nuys I'm driving this Acura comes out a side street all over the median in excess I low-cal it up hit the whaler guy drives on like I'm invisible for ten blocks before he pulls over plates were unclean so I'm watching from our unit and she's tossing the Acura she calls me over to the vehicle a snub 38 2 shotguns fully loaded so she calls our supervisor and I go along searching and I find five hundred grams of meth turns out this DUI is on bail for distribution and is on his way to smoke his ex-partner before trial so we prevented a murder.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0139654/quotes/qt0250818
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